Religion is like politics, one of those topics that should generally be left out of polite conversation; unless of course you’re hoping to incite a brawl at your next family gathering. If that’s your goal, then these might just help you get the ball rolling and the fists flying.
If they start handing out light sabres with conversion, I'm in.Yes, you read that right, Jedi. Light sabers, robes and The Force. Those Jedi. They exist, though if they have light sabers, they’re not admitting to it.
Their doctrine is simple, and will sound hauntingly familiar to anyone who has watched the Star War’s movies or dated a nerd. “There is one all powerful force that binds the entire universe together. It is an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together".
Though it may have initially begun as a rebellion against certain questions on government census forms, the idea of following the faith first laid out in George Lucas’s movie Star Wars has gained in popularity. Now there are a number of online and real world organizations that follow the way of the Jedi Knights, and their numbers are growing. I suspect it is only a matter of time before someone decides to start the Temple of the Sith Lords, and then the Jedi Wars can start in earnest.
In 1848 John Humphrey Noyes founded a Utopian commune based on the idea that Jesus Christ had already returned to mankind in the year 70 AD, meaning they were free to live a perfect life without sin on Earth as well as in Heaven.
Their idea of perfection included the concept of complex marriage, which in its simplest terms meant that every man was married to every woman, and exclusive or romantic pairings were discouraged. Even couples married before entering the community were expected to open their marriage to this lifestyle. According to the records, the average female member of the community had three ‘interviews’ a week with different partners.
In a move today’s cougar population would highly applaud, males in their teens were encouraged to become involved with post menopausal women, to be taught by them and guided into manhood both physically and spiritually while avoiding unplanned pregnancies. Children were raised communally, with no strong bonds between the biological parents and children permitted.
The community eventually disbanded, and in a rather strange turn of events it then reorganized itself as a joint-stock company. These days you may have the product of this once utopian society in your kitchen drawer, they make Oneida Limited cutlery.
Adam & Eve and the Elohim. And you thought the trouble was over an apple...
Raëlians follow Claude Vorilhon, a Frenchman who was once a sports car journalist and test driver. In 1974 he changed his name to Raël, started the Raëlian Movement, and declared that he had been visited by aliens named the Elohim, who had given him information on the origins of all major religions on our planet.
The movement came into being after Vorilhon hosted a large conference of over 2000 people to discuss what the aliens had told him. Instead of declaring him insane or demanding their money back, the French decided to form a new religion instead. I suspect this decision had something to do with the fact the aliens are pro sex and sensuality, and we all know how the French feel about amour. Raëlism is now considered to be the largest “UFO religion” in the world.
Followers of this faith believe that all life on Earth was created by human-like aliens called Elohim, a technologically advanced race with a vast knowledge of genetic engineering. They deny the existence of a supernatural god and of the concept of soul, they also believe that the mind is a function of matter alone. They claim that the human mind can be transferred from body to body, thus achieving immortality.
In December 2002, the CEO of a biotechnology company called Clonaid, who also happened to be a Bishop of Raël, announced they had cloned a human, taking a step towards this religion’s goal of immortality.
Discordianism is a religion based on the idea that Chaos is the only force in the universe and that disorder and order are merely illusions. I suspect that this theory evolved while either trying to pair up socks fresh out of the dryer or attempting to assemble Ikea furniture the night before the in-laws visit.
Discordianism it is one of the few religions that devalues harmony in favour of chaos. Their matron deity is Eris, the Greek goddess of Discord, and their principal text is the
“Principia Discordia”. It was written by Gregory Hill under the pseudonym Malaclypse the Younger, which wins for “Best pen name that could also be used as the name of a band and/or wrestler.”
In existence since 1958, Discordians are known collectively as the Discordian Society. As might be expected in a society that by its very definition despises organization and logic, the actual structure is extremely vague. Different sects and individual followers abound, as do any number of philosophies and definitions of what it means, and does not mean to be Discordian.
Started in 1996, the followers of Woodism look to the life of late film director Ed Wood for guidance, seeing him as a savior and a religious entity. Claiming more than 3000 baptized followers, Woodism is touted as a way to “…create spiritually uplifting ideals with a basic basis in pop culture without feeling rejected” making it a warm, fuzzy faith with a message available with popcorn and extra butter.
It elevates Ed Wood from a cross dressing director of what are widely regarded as terrible films to that of a spiritual icon whose message was one of acceptance and belief in one’s abilities. Films such as “The Sinister Urge” and “Orgy of the Dead” are held up as being full of spiritual and personal messages, guiding the believers through their lives and encouraging them to fulfill their potential.
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was started as a protest against the decision of a Kansas school board to include the teaching of the theory of Intelligent Design as an alternative to Evolution. In time, it grew into something much larger and more complex, and now has thousands of followers, some of whom have embraced this as a true faith despite the fact its deity is an edible foodstuff best served with tomato sauce.
The Pastafarians worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a benevolent, supernatural creator. Many of its followers are atheists, others just like a good joke, and yet some have become true believers. This combination makes the Church of the FSM into one of the oddest sorts of religion, in that it is a parody, an argument against the existence of any deity, and an actual faith all at the same time. If you thought theology gave you a headache back in college, try pondering that one for a while.
In 2007 the American Academy of Religion included discourse on the subject of Pastafarianism, adding a new parmesan cheese sprinkling of strange legitimacy to the Spaghetti Monster mythos.
This church is comprised of followers of Diego Maradona, an Argentine football player believed by his fans to be the greatest player of all time. And for those of you in North America, that’s not the football with the pads and helmets, that’s the football you call soccer. If these fans are devoted enough to start a church around a player, you can be certain they’re not going to take kindly to anyone confusing the two sports.
Founded on Diego’s 38th birthday in 1998, there are now reported to be more than 100,000 passionate and devoted followers. They celebrate his birthday as a holy day and follow the Ten Commandments as outlined by his church, which include such instructions as “Love football over anything else”, “Let Diego by thy name and thy one of your children ”and “Pray in the temples where he preached and its sacred mantles”.
An unlikely savior, Diego himself is divorced, and his personal history includes battles against cocaine addiction, alcohol abuse and being wrongly reported dead three times in one month. Though I suppose that last one could count as resurrection.
The followers of this faith were led by Koresh, or if you prefer the name his parents gave him, Cyrus Teed.
Cyrus was the inventor of the theory of Cellular Cosmongony, which states that the Earth is actually hollow, and we all reside within it. The moon and stars are merely reflections and optical illusions. He claimed that the Earth has a multilayered crust 100 miles thick, and the outer layer is composed of gold. Within this planetary sphere exists all life in the universe and beyond our shiny gold skinned orb, a void stuffed full of nothingness.
Teed mixed this theory with a healthy dose communism, alchemy and celibacy, and named himself as the seventh messianic leader, Jesus being the sixth. His followers formed a utopian style community known as the Koreshan Unity that reached its peak of 250 followers between 1903 and 1908, when Teed died. His death was something of a disappointment to his followers, as he had written a book in which he claimed that after his death he would rise to heaven and take all his followers with him. They waited for several weeks, but nothing happened and eventually the county health officer forced them to bury their rapidly decomposing leader as he was now a health hazard.
The Shakers or “Shaking Quakers” were an offshoot of the Quaker faith, which itself was an offshoot of Protestantism. The name is taken from a mocking referral to their demonstrative style of worship that included ritual acts of shouting, trembling, shaking, singing, dancing and speaking in tongues. Their rites, which must have resembled an impromptu rap concert without the bling, were considered so demonstrative they were labeled as heretics by many other Christians. Mother Anne Lee, the Shaker’s female manifestation of Christ and spiritual leader, was arrested several times for Disturbing the Peace.
Shakers did not approve of procreation and the sexes were segregated, down to having separate entrances into “family” dwellings for each gender. Within the house, men and women were segregated again, dividing each assigned family group into two smaller, single gender families. Given the fact they disapproved of sex even for procreation, their population was never large, and this lack of forethought into the longevity of their faith soon resulted in their numbers dwindling down to almost nothing when it became illegal for religious groups to adopt children. Recruitment was ineffective, and so adopting the results of other peoples’ sin was how they got around that pesky ‘no sex’ rule. Today there are only four Shakers left, still dancing and shouting their faith to the heavens.
The Jedi Church or Jediism
Their doctrine is simple, and will sound hauntingly familiar to anyone who has watched the Star War’s movies or dated a nerd. “There is one all powerful force that binds the entire universe together. It is an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together".
Though it may have initially begun as a rebellion against certain questions on government census forms, the idea of following the faith first laid out in George Lucas’s movie Star Wars has gained in popularity. Now there are a number of online and real world organizations that follow the way of the Jedi Knights, and their numbers are growing. I suspect it is only a matter of time before someone decides to start the Temple of the Sith Lords, and then the Jedi Wars can start in earnest.
Oneida Community
In 1848 John Humphrey Noyes founded a Utopian commune based on the idea that Jesus Christ had already returned to mankind in the year 70 AD, meaning they were free to live a perfect life without sin on Earth as well as in Heaven.
Their idea of perfection included the concept of complex marriage, which in its simplest terms meant that every man was married to every woman, and exclusive or romantic pairings were discouraged. Even couples married before entering the community were expected to open their marriage to this lifestyle. According to the records, the average female member of the community had three ‘interviews’ a week with different partners.
In a move today’s cougar population would highly applaud, males in their teens were encouraged to become involved with post menopausal women, to be taught by them and guided into manhood both physically and spiritually while avoiding unplanned pregnancies. Children were raised communally, with no strong bonds between the biological parents and children permitted.
The community eventually disbanded, and in a rather strange turn of events it then reorganized itself as a joint-stock company. These days you may have the product of this once utopian society in your kitchen drawer, they make Oneida Limited cutlery.
Raëlism
Raëlians follow Claude Vorilhon, a Frenchman who was once a sports car journalist and test driver. In 1974 he changed his name to Raël, started the Raëlian Movement, and declared that he had been visited by aliens named the Elohim, who had given him information on the origins of all major religions on our planet.
The movement came into being after Vorilhon hosted a large conference of over 2000 people to discuss what the aliens had told him. Instead of declaring him insane or demanding their money back, the French decided to form a new religion instead. I suspect this decision had something to do with the fact the aliens are pro sex and sensuality, and we all know how the French feel about amour. Raëlism is now considered to be the largest “UFO religion” in the world.
Followers of this faith believe that all life on Earth was created by human-like aliens called Elohim, a technologically advanced race with a vast knowledge of genetic engineering. They deny the existence of a supernatural god and of the concept of soul, they also believe that the mind is a function of matter alone. They claim that the human mind can be transferred from body to body, thus achieving immortality.
In December 2002, the CEO of a biotechnology company called Clonaid, who also happened to be a Bishop of Raël, announced they had cloned a human, taking a step towards this religion’s goal of immortality.
Discordianism
Discordianism is a religion based on the idea that Chaos is the only force in the universe and that disorder and order are merely illusions. I suspect that this theory evolved while either trying to pair up socks fresh out of the dryer or attempting to assemble Ikea furniture the night before the in-laws visit.
Discordianism it is one of the few religions that devalues harmony in favour of chaos. Their matron deity is Eris, the Greek goddess of Discord, and their principal text is the
“Principia Discordia”. It was written by Gregory Hill under the pseudonym Malaclypse the Younger, which wins for “Best pen name that could also be used as the name of a band and/or wrestler.”
In existence since 1958, Discordians are known collectively as the Discordian Society. As might be expected in a society that by its very definition despises organization and logic, the actual structure is extremely vague. Different sects and individual followers abound, as do any number of philosophies and definitions of what it means, and does not mean to be Discordian.
The Church of Ed Wood – Woodism
Started in 1996, the followers of Woodism look to the life of late film director Ed Wood for guidance, seeing him as a savior and a religious entity. Claiming more than 3000 baptized followers, Woodism is touted as a way to “…create spiritually uplifting ideals with a basic basis in pop culture without feeling rejected” making it a warm, fuzzy faith with a message available with popcorn and extra butter.
It elevates Ed Wood from a cross dressing director of what are widely regarded as terrible films to that of a spiritual icon whose message was one of acceptance and belief in one’s abilities. Films such as “The Sinister Urge” and “Orgy of the Dead” are held up as being full of spiritual and personal messages, guiding the believers through their lives and encouraging them to fulfill their potential.
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster – Pastafarians
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was started as a protest against the decision of a Kansas school board to include the teaching of the theory of Intelligent Design as an alternative to Evolution. In time, it grew into something much larger and more complex, and now has thousands of followers, some of whom have embraced this as a true faith despite the fact its deity is an edible foodstuff best served with tomato sauce.
The Pastafarians worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a benevolent, supernatural creator. Many of its followers are atheists, others just like a good joke, and yet some have become true believers. This combination makes the Church of the FSM into one of the oddest sorts of religion, in that it is a parody, an argument against the existence of any deity, and an actual faith all at the same time. If you thought theology gave you a headache back in college, try pondering that one for a while.
In 2007 the American Academy of Religion included discourse on the subject of Pastafarianism, adding a new parmesan cheese sprinkling of strange legitimacy to the Spaghetti Monster mythos.
The Church of Maradona
This church is comprised of followers of Diego Maradona, an Argentine football player believed by his fans to be the greatest player of all time. And for those of you in North America, that’s not the football with the pads and helmets, that’s the football you call soccer. If these fans are devoted enough to start a church around a player, you can be certain they’re not going to take kindly to anyone confusing the two sports.
Founded on Diego’s 38th birthday in 1998, there are now reported to be more than 100,000 passionate and devoted followers. They celebrate his birthday as a holy day and follow the Ten Commandments as outlined by his church, which include such instructions as “Love football over anything else”, “Let Diego by thy name and thy one of your children ”and “Pray in the temples where he preached and its sacred mantles”.
An unlikely savior, Diego himself is divorced, and his personal history includes battles against cocaine addiction, alcohol abuse and being wrongly reported dead three times in one month. Though I suppose that last one could count as resurrection.
Koreshanity
The followers of this faith were led by Koresh, or if you prefer the name his parents gave him, Cyrus Teed.
Cyrus was the inventor of the theory of Cellular Cosmongony, which states that the Earth is actually hollow, and we all reside within it. The moon and stars are merely reflections and optical illusions. He claimed that the Earth has a multilayered crust 100 miles thick, and the outer layer is composed of gold. Within this planetary sphere exists all life in the universe and beyond our shiny gold skinned orb, a void stuffed full of nothingness.
Teed mixed this theory with a healthy dose communism, alchemy and celibacy, and named himself as the seventh messianic leader, Jesus being the sixth. His followers formed a utopian style community known as the Koreshan Unity that reached its peak of 250 followers between 1903 and 1908, when Teed died. His death was something of a disappointment to his followers, as he had written a book in which he claimed that after his death he would rise to heaven and take all his followers with him. They waited for several weeks, but nothing happened and eventually the county health officer forced them to bury their rapidly decomposing leader as he was now a health hazard.
Shakers
The Shakers or “Shaking Quakers” were an offshoot of the Quaker faith, which itself was an offshoot of Protestantism. The name is taken from a mocking referral to their demonstrative style of worship that included ritual acts of shouting, trembling, shaking, singing, dancing and speaking in tongues. Their rites, which must have resembled an impromptu rap concert without the bling, were considered so demonstrative they were labeled as heretics by many other Christians. Mother Anne Lee, the Shaker’s female manifestation of Christ and spiritual leader, was arrested several times for Disturbing the Peace.
Shakers did not approve of procreation and the sexes were segregated, down to having separate entrances into “family” dwellings for each gender. Within the house, men and women were segregated again, dividing each assigned family group into two smaller, single gender families. Given the fact they disapproved of sex even for procreation, their population was never large, and this lack of forethought into the longevity of their faith soon resulted in their numbers dwindling down to almost nothing when it became illegal for religious groups to adopt children. Recruitment was ineffective, and so adopting the results of other peoples’ sin was how they got around that pesky ‘no sex’ rule. Today there are only four Shakers left, still dancing and shouting their faith to the heavens.
